The New Me – Matilda’s Story

[ The case studies are not here to illustrate soul connections but to demonstrate the power of personal healing and transformation using Ptsen Nuh metaphysical techniques.

In some cases, but not all, the persons need for healing was triggered by a soul connection however in these articles case studies we do not look at the relationship aspects or if they got back together – we focus on the individuals’ healing and transformation.

If you want to know about a soul connection you will not find out about it from anyone else’s story even if they seem similar because every situation so unique thats why we don’t feature the stories .. Soul connection articles on the general issues and principles can be found here but to find about about your own unique situation it needs to looked at individually which can only come from an individual consultation.]

I was 19 when I met my soul connection, although I remember having a sense of him as early as four years old. Now and then I’d wonder but I never consciously set out to find him.

I had prolonged my visit to my home town because I had felt a lump and further tests had to be carried out. Romance was the last thing on my mind when, in a pub, a friend of his came over and asked for my phone number on his behalf. I began to say no but when I looked over and saw him, pretending to be so enthralled by his beer coaster, I felt a rush of affection and recognition. He was not my usual type but I felt the pull. His friend said she was taking the bull by the horns as we looked like we belonged together. This was an odd thing to say considering I was a grungy student, and he was an older, clean cut blonde twice my size. He didn’t talk to me that night but he did ring and so it began. From reading all the stories on Steve’s website I’d say the next part was similar to most soul connections, we were intoxicated by each other, it was like finding home.

The lump was a tumour the size of a gob stopper but I woke up from the four hour operation radiantly happy, and it had nothing to do with the morphine. The surgeon said the news was not good, it looked malignant and further tests would probably confirm this. All I could think was yeah right, now move along would you, I’m expecting company. I did not for a second believe the tumour was serious, I was always lucky and now that I had meet him my life was just getting started. I was right the tests proved it was benign, but my luck was about to run out.

He visited me at university and I meet his parents. He clearly had issues with them and I felt his seething anger. That night we lay together and there was a tremendous energy surge between us, it was overwhelming and undeniable, he joked it was like fire crackers going off. The next morning he had terror in his eyes, he started to jog and then he ran. What followed was runner insanity at it’s finest. The next time I saw him he told me I was too young, he didn’t consider me his girl friend, he wanted to see other woman but he would regret it for the rest of his life. He begged me not to start smoking again because he was leaving me. I was bewildered, was this guy worried about me or his taxes? He then said he’d made a mistake, and would come over on Sunday to talk about it. He didn’t show, instead he turned up at the pub with a new girlfriend who shared my colouring, stature and even my name. This was too much! I had a trip planned to visit my sister in London, so I brought it forward. But before I left I sent him a letter wishing him and the raven haired tart he had replaced me with all the happiness in the world. He rang, told me she was not like me and wanted to write to me while I was away.

I told no one that my heart had just been ripped out. I think I was in soul shock, I couldn’t talk about it, I couldn’t even cry. I had assumed the trip would help me get over it but it didn’t. I would walk around London in circles, in the snow, completely miserable despite being in such an incredible city. I’d replay every conversation in my head and when I wasn’t doing that I would listen to a music cd that synchronistically chronologized the rise and fall of our brief affair. My most striking memory of that period was an old homeless man with one arm calling out to me ‘Cheer up love it’s Christmas’. He did send a card but it said little and I ripped it up, along with the 17 page letter I had for him and ceremoniously threw it in the Thames. I visited friends in Spain but those Spanish were so darn upbeat and full of life that I left early and then wandered around France alone and dazed. I felt abandoned by the universe but it really was through a series of miracles that I made it home in one piece. My mother would have had a fit if she’d known what I was up to. I ran into him before I went back to university and he asked me if I’d had a good trip but it was more an accusation than a question. We were both suffering but both proud and I told him I had a fantastic time and had been too busy to reply to the card. He was still with her.

I was so frustrated with myself, I wanted the old me back and was determined to get him out of my system. I rebounded into a relationship I knew was not right for me. If the soul connection left my self esteem in the toilet then this guy flushed the chain. I saw him, three years later, at a train station, he was so relieved to find me, we hugged and kissed and the depth of love in his eyes took my breath away. By then I’d had almost three years of being subjected to abuse on a daily basis and he just made me feel so beautiful and special. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him if he wanted to run away to Vegas, but my partner interrupted us and I bolted. That look of adoration set off many of my triggers. I couldn’t live up to who he thought I was , I’d surely disappoint him. No, it was better he remembered me as perfect besides I couldn’t go through it again if he left me. Nice little twist there universe, now who was the runner? That was the last time I saw him.

So I married the wrong man and bore his children. 14 years down the track I convinced myself life was peachy. Sure my relationship was still dysfunctional but I had a truck load of psychology books and plans to fix him. At least I had fantastic kids and friends and a lovely home. I still thought about him, heard he had never been the same after our brief time together but it had finally after so many years lost it’s sting. It would be absurd to revisit it especially since I’d done such a fine job of burying it. Well the universe didn’t think so and got out a shovel. One day, almost a year ago now, I did the unthinkable. I told my secret to my best friend, the whole saga from beginning to end, and how much I had hurt. And just like that, it ignited. The rollercoaster started all over again but this time it had been modified and was even more of a wild ride. I couldn’t eat or sleep properly, my heart felt like it was being pulled out of my chest and my stomach was churned day and night. I would listen to our cd over and over and I had vivid dreams about him. I finally read a book he had given me but for passive aggressive reasons I had decided never to read and it was yet another splinter in my heart. I thought maybe I was going crazy, it was over 14 years ago!

I had my tarot cards read, at a local fair, and twin soul/ soul mate cards came up, she did it again, same cards. It sounded so flakey but I couldn’t resist googling it and I eventually found Steve’s website. His articles just made so much sense but the idea of ringing him seemed outrageous, I was married with children, I needed to fight off what ever was happening to me. The day I drove off leaving my poor child in the stroller on the foot path, thank goodness for rear vision mirrors, is the day I thought you need help to function and I went home and made the appointment. He said how about now?!! Steve in an hour explained the situation which had baffled me for 14 years. It helped so much but the cravings to be with him were still just as unbearable. We were living in different countries but I found his work address online and I couldn’t resist sending him a letter and that cd . I haven’t heard back but I’m confident he got it because several days later I felt excitement, a hot flush from head to toe, and could feel him smile as he read it. It was a much kinder letter than the first but it still teased the crap out of him.

Then came Pten Nuh... This will change your life and get you in touch with your soul, it’s that simple and that grand.

Steve drove me nuts at first, who was he anyway to tell me that my ego monster was out of control? How rude?!! Mine did what any self respecting ego monster would do, I more or less sent him a n outline of my CV to prove he wasn’t dealing with an idiot. He had to be the idiot. I checked out his photo on his face book page, was this guy operating out of some sort of underground bunker or what? (Later scrolled down and realised he was probably in a helicopter, doh, sorry Steve) But I was just like every body else and had to do the work and apply the discipline. Slowly but surely the layers of constructs came off, and as they did I was released from the pain and the craving of the connection but also all the other junk that held me back from really living. It became less about the relationship and more about what the connection was making me face about my own development and karma. And it was then and only then that I was ready to move on to my spiritual awakening. I started to feel my own energy and it was as frightening as it was exhilarating. I am so grateful to Steve for helping me manage this transition and giving me the means to own it and work with it and I am so profoundly humbled by the universe for loving me enough me to put me on this new path. I am leaving the abusive relationship, the house, and so many other things behind me, something that would have been incomprehensible to me before the Pandora’s box flew open, and before PN, but it feels right.

I am finally off that roller coaster and can now check out what all the other exhibits have to offer. I’m just getting started but there seems to be plenty more attractions in this intriguing energetic … I still love the soul connection just as much, even more, but I have acceptance now that it was never just about the relationship even though it seemed that was all it was about. I know one day we will at least reconnect but I have no expectations from that.

And right now I’m more interested in testing driving the new me.

A dear friend I hadn’t seen me in a while asked me how I was and I blurted ‘Oh I’m fundamentally different’

She was a bit taken back, but it was a sincere answer.

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