I had emailed Steve a few times expressing my interest in doing courses that could help me “control my energy” as I was trying to deal with the insanity of my life.
And each time I would receive a response from Steve suggesting how I was not ready, and outlining my incorrect interpretation of what these tools are really all about. At first I thought “ok maybe I am genuinely not ready yet” so I would let a few weeks or months pass and then try my luck again, assuming as if timing was the issue here, only to receive another ‘disappointing’ email from Steve.
Steve would always say that my need to know and my insistence of wanting to understand things was the key indicator of how I was not ready. After a few more failed attempts of trying to persuade him that he was misunderstanding my intentions behind wanting to do the course I was CONVINCED he had something against me.
So I became more creative with my emails and avoided using words like ‘control’; ‘understand’; ‘need’; ‘want’ because I feared he would have a go at me again- which was what it seemed to me he was doing and quite literally how I felt then.
I thought “why was this guy being such a **** – is he just arrogant or just not a nice person…??”
Some time went bye and life became harder, I wasn’t dealing with things well and I was really fed up… I emailed Steve again and asked what i had to to take the course… and THIS time he pointed out I had asked what I needed to do, not just declared what I wanted.. I spent some time with this and came to realize that what Steve meant, that previously I wasn’t willing to surrender to do what I needed to do even though I thought I had all the intentions…
But this time and I felt so helpless and low and completely desperate that I was now ready to take all the right measures by doing my inner work and getting rid of the profound pain.
I eventually learned that, like every other emotion pain comes and goes but with the Ptsen-Nuh tools and a lot of self-discipline, you learn to deal with it in the right way…not just with pain but with any emotion.
The best part is that I now live in the present..no longer dwell on the past or worry about the future. There are definitely times of relapse, which only makes us human, but getting past them and returning to balance is key. The situations and people in my life may not have dramatically improved but none of that matters anymore because I am now my own center of happiness and so everything just feels different as I have shifted focus from the external to internal- The new me is a lot more confident, happier and at balance.
ZahraShare on Facebook