No longer living in the head – Karuna

I wish my mother had taught me PN when she taught me other essential life skills like, how to cross the road without getting run over, and, how to make a sandwich without poisoning myself. Because it is that useful and it would have saved 38 or so years of trying to live with my crazy head.

Enlightenment was the only thing I ever really wanted since I first found out about it and became obsessed. I read books, listened to tapes, did yoga, stood on my head, went to satsang, meditated (tons of it day in, day out for a long time) and I got pretty blissed out; just not all the time, and I didn’t know how to handle still being angry and depressed a lot of the time.

So I tried to stop feeling at all because I decided that was the spiritual way; I had read about ‘presence’ and ‘being in the moment’ and how perfect that was and so there was no room there for my very uncomfortable feelings. I just felt guilty for having them. And none of the books really tell you how to deal with emotions, beyond ‘keep practising’ or ‘just let go, stop looking then you will find yourself’. Eh? Well I never did, I just got frustrated and threw the book across the room.

And, of course, things got even more uncomfortable, all that blocked emotion straining to get out. And life had to lay it on really thick to get me to see that this was not the spiritual way, it was the crazy way! So by the time I started the PN course I was really low, frustrated with my searching, frustrated with love and relationships, with feeling sick all the time, with being scared all the time, frustrated with everything…

Then Steve told me that I was living from my head and that I needed to get in touch with my energy. What? I had no idea what he meant, I thought I was pretty in touch and spiritual thank you !.

But then when I did the course (which I did twice because I still didn’t believe him the first time and I couldn’t let go) I started to feel what he was talking about and – wow – I felt totally different in so many ways. Tuning into my energy is the most amazing thing I ever did. And it is what I had been looking for from way back when I was a little girl and the whole thing started, but I’d been looking in exactly the place it was never going to be – my head.

With the PN disciplines, I now have a way to manage my emotions, so I can feel them and deal with them without them controlling me. I have learnt ways to manage my energy, my emotions and not be controlled by my head, so that I’m independent and not looking outside myself, to other people or events to make me feel better, I’m doing it myself. And when it goes wrong, which it does, and I lose balance, I start again with the techniques and I get back to centre. And it feels great.
Namaste
Karuna

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