Can’t heal till the party’s over

Most of us have the potential for a major pity party somewhere inside of us.. It doesn’t matter how much or little we’ve been through, a function of the human ego is to to be able feel sorry for ourselves and to wade in it….

When we’re in that mode we look for people we call compassionate, but what we mean by that is someone who won’t challenge us or any of our ideas, because we’ve had enough challenges.. and so when someone does challenge our ideas we project that they aren’t compassionate they’re hurtful and we will lash out at them…

Thus this pity party guarantees we will stay stuck in the misery and won’t heal because clearly in order to heal, something has to change, but we will fight that change tooth and nail….

Surrender, letting go of that iron grip on our right to misery, admitting that we need to change something and putting down the blame cannon are the first steps to healing.. That’s hard as heck and its the part that can take decades or maybe in some cases we never get there. Alcohol, drugs, food, promiscuity and destructive relationships all feed the problems and keep us in the loop..

Having known and worked with addicts I know many who exited the loop because the drugs or booze got to them first and sadly they aren’t here anymore, and I saw the pity party fuel the “I deserve something to get me through” for just too long…. Although less extreme, food and other behavior plays a similar role although usually less lethal
I watched them look for “compassion” by which they meant ‘someone who will support them unconditionally, an as soon as that support had a condition, such as changing their behavior, accepting they had to face some issues, the supporter was slated and blamed and judged….

These people weren’t born like this, they became like this largely through inability to deal with the emotional wounds they accrued as they went along their way through life..
And I am absolutely sure that it is because the one thing that missing from society’s teachings is to deal with that which will control our lives more than ANY OTHER ASPECT, and that is emotions…

ALL of us will have experienced the inner pity party at some time and to some level, all of us will have satiated with indulgence and diversion.. so nobody is different, its just a question of intensity and duration… And one of the reasons for this is that the default Western way of dealing with emotions, I describe as “get laid, get drunk, get over it, get some meds” and its clearly inadequate although it does of course support billions of $ in alcohol, fast food and pharmaceutical sales..

Any and every person can change, and profoundly ( this is why I publish case studies on my sites, to demonstrate that however unlikely that seems, it can and does happen all the time http://ptsen-nuh.com/casestudies/ ) but it takes surrendering and admission that we can’t do it ourselves.. and that’s hard, hard hard… There’s no “app for that” it takes courage and to be prepared to learn some new things. . but once we put down the blame cannon and are prepared to surrender they we’re already half way home..

If you read the web, the medical profession is starting to discover that parts of the body that were once thought unrepairable once damaged, can be repaired by the body… but the body has to rule, not the drugs.. and the same is true with the soul, it was made self repairing, we just need to learn how to let it do its work and get out of the way.. That part takes training, you can’t read it, you can;t do it yourself, your intuition doesn’t know the tools, and so that part takes humility to ask for help.. its a big challenge… but that step is 50% of the journey…

There is no limit to our ability to heal, and there never was…

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