Ever look at someone who’d deeply unhappy in a long term relationship and wonder why they stay ?
One of the most pervasive drivers of the ego is control.. and in some cases this need to control – in order to avoid perceived risk, causes people to have what I call “Ballast Relationships”
In a ship, ballast is usually a big heavy dead weight in the bottom of the ship which helps keep it upright in a storm by weighing down the keel. And in a ballast relationship it’s much the same
In these cases we see someone stay with someone they don’t really want to be with, but who wants to be with them.. Someone they don’t truly care for deeply but who cares for them, or wants to keep them at all costs.
The advantage to the abuser( because that’s what they are, even though they often paint themselves as victims ) is that this person will never leave them so they have some form of stability even if they don’t really want to be with the specific person, they have someone there’s no risk of being alone.
They also often feel less guilty when cheating and having affairs, and can project anger and “that they are trapped” onto the ballast partner as an excuse for their actions. And when called to maybe step up and leave them in order to progress one of the affairs, the excuse being that they’re scared or don’t want to hurt the other person.. ( the person they’re abusing by staying with them )
In that case the translation is, ” I need my surety and I want my excitement but I don’t want risk don’t make me choose between them”. Often painting themselves as the person caught in the middle, the truth is that they are the net that’s catching everyone else.
This is where fear is allowed to become control and abuse and mess up many people’s lives. And if you wonder why people would still stay in these situations, its all about control.. the ego will even suffer misery, as long as it can control.
Its all about enabling deep fear…and making everyone else play the price rather than confront it.
They are very dark and abusive situations however “just caught up in a situation” they may seem, and there are no winners, they can suck people in like black hole – especially where the person needs the thrills and the sex and the romance but has no intention of ditching the ballast..
The more you give them what makes the pain less, the longer they can tolerate it.. so stay well away and if the person is genuine they will face their fears and set themselves and the other person free and then can come to others as a responsible person not an abuser… then everyone winsShare on Facebook