Another eye opener at the same time – shocked and also saddened me. Several of those people had accessed what they referred to as “spirituality” through mediums who fed them with stuff that either scared the daylights out of them or kept them hooked on not accepting the passing of their child. From “she passed too early and wants to be with you ” to “she is trapped between two worlds” to the more usual constant messages of the spirit wanting to regularly communicate with the parent and of course via the medium or by joining in a circle as spiritualists refer to it…

I have medium abilities so I can also can talk to spirits and often do BUT unlike the followers of the spiritualist movement – it is not my primary source of information nor do I see it as anything other than just one element of the picture which is totally seeable without needing to go asking spirits or guides, who would only read it from the same energy as I or anyone would anyway – but put their own spin on it… I often liken it to asking directions versus reading the map.. One universe one universal energy available to all equally, with or without physical body.

This isnt a pop at spiritualists, however it was truly shocking to see how these people had not just gone to one of these mediums but were turning up at many meetings and it became a regular occurance, hoping that they would get a message from the other side..Eventually and predictably this engulfed their lives and things became worse, they couldn’t find peace with it they just wanted more.. I have since seen this so much, where people say that a message from the other side gets them peace, and you see it on the TV a lot – but truly peace cant come from there, it must come from the inner knowing and that birth and death are merely the entry and exit to one element of existence..

I can honestly say that I have never personally witnessed anyone who accessing this stuff and getting a message from the “other side” was ok and happy with that and moved on with their lives.. Perhaps many have, but what I see is that they want more and more and have had trouble with their lives, always living half on the “other side” as its often refereed to in those circles.. and thats what happened to these people who had lost the children, they lived for the next message or “contact” and stopped living, often even willing death forward so they could reunite.

My work was to teach them how their energy worked and how it drove them and to guide them to allow their offspring to transcend to the next level and to be ok with that and not need to go there before their time.. In doing so i did also get some helpful information from the spirits but that information was to help them let go and accept the transition as naturally as they accepted the birth – and to let go not to hang on.

I really do emphasize this isn’t a pop at spiritualism which is a very powerful and popular movement, however I do very much question this idea that “the answers are on the other side” and I watch the same people cling to these things and go to meeting after meeting or join circles, however much info they get. And I am 100% sure that the people who they met really meant to help them BUT to me their way is not following the spiritual path of oneness, its seeking reassurance from outside of inner knowing and keeping us from the peace in the now, it makes it all about somewhere else. really its all here now and that’s how we are to work it… we just need to learn about how it works and follow some disciplines to access it. THAT is the long established path to oneness.

Fortunately I was able to help the people I mention and they found their happiness in the now… I guess the moral of the tale is that the spiritual path is a minefield and there are many things we can cling to under that banner of “spiritual” but be very careful…

I believe 2011/12 brings the end of the cult of entitlement and the beginning of the age of taking ownership. That a time of “what life / people / universe can do for us” is already at an end ..

And that end is not through some sudden global realization or awakening, far from it, but through much suffering as we are shown how needy we can be as a species, how addictive, and how we generally aren’t taught to experience things in their raw form, or to work with fear, but to avoid it, and to satiate – in an ever increasing number of ways..

The information revolution has already shown us that it isn’t information that’s the valuable commodity because so much of it is at best worthless or at worst damaging as “the cult of consensus” become the new truth..

We are learning how incredibly rare and valuable a gem the real truth is and how well hidden amidst a vast sea of opinion.. And that to find that truth we must now learn to become discerning and “tuned in”, not just vote on the answers we like to create pseudo-realities that “fit” and don’t make us confront our fears or worries….

Global connectivity will eventually lead us closer to home as we once again begin to value home, family and community – to grow and trade and work locally.

Quality not quantity is the way forward, a new simpler more powerful way of being with respect for reality and the destruction of the nonsense of “my reality” or “your reality” as the blinkers are ripped off by global events to make us all face the one reality.

I believe our species really needs a rude awakening to exactly how far technology has taken us down one road to the exclusion of all others and how much work we have to do th change that..

And the most astonishing oversight of all is that most of our lives will be driven by emotions and yet where do we learn about those ? Most adults in the western world have few or no abilities to deal with and process emotions hence addiction, co-dependence abuse and dysfunction are the plague of modern times.

It’s time for change

It’s already started.. can you feel it yet ?

If you’d like to listen there,s a short compilation here

MP3

http://stevegunn.net/music/compilation.mp3

Youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RATybv-HQA
Windows Video http://stevegunn.net/music/compilation.wmv

To read about Ptsen-Nuh http://ptsen-nuh.com the audio clip is on the menu there or to go direct to it
http://ptsen-nuh.com/audio/pn_intro64.mp3

The case studies of people who’ve used Ptsen-Nuh http://stevegunn.net/wp_blog/?cat=4

If you want to know about a soul connection you will not find out about it from anyone else's story even if they seem similar because every situation so unique thats why we don't feature the stories .. Soul connection articles on the general issues and principles can be found here but to find about about your own unique situation it needs to looked at individually which can only come from an individual consultation.]

Working with Steve was like working with an alien at times. What I thought of as my intelligence couldn’t help me at all so I was disciplined and focused on what remained.
I always somehow knew what was going on with me personally was part of a bigger process – but I also knew that I couldn’t figure out how to come to terms with it.

I came to Steve through a spiritual awakening experience that has been triggered by an intense soul connection. The energy symptoms were the most intense. I’d get a pulsating in my brain, side to side, up and down my spine. My eyes twitched. People started noticing my eye twitch in the office. I was afraid I was going to lose my job. I was so strange. Every touch had more sensation. I mean every touch – the touch of inanimate objects had new sensation. The crossword puzzle had new meaning. My sleeping patterns and eating patterns changed dramatically. I wasn’t eating much. I couldn’t sleep. I was losing weight. I was tired and manic at the same time.

I’d have visions. I’d have out-of-body experiences in meetings. I had visions of scenes from different points in history and people I didn’t know. I meditated in front of the mirror. I’d stare at myself in the mirror and wonder who and what I was. Like seeing myself for the first time. I saw energy grids. I communicated with an intelligence in a manner I can’t articulate. Expansive. I could ask it questions and the answers it gave me were maddeningly simple. The first instruction it gave me was “heal yourself first.”

Heal myself?!?

I researched. I Googled everything. I’d wake up at odd hours in the night and google number symbolism. I was going through a divorce at the time. I have a young daughter. My family has a history of mental illness. I was terrified and had no idea what to do if I lost my mind.

I don’t identify with the pain and confusion any longer. But at the time I was sure I was going insane and I was afraid no one would notice, no one would stop me. I wrote and published everything online, waiting for men in white jackets to come take me away. I wanted to keep my daughter safe from me.

No one came. Through online conversations I found by googling words I never put together before, I met people. Individuals who had the same energy symptoms. Could this be normal?

In my research, I avoided anything that smelled like “new belief.” I didn’t want a new religion from this. I didn’t want any beliefs about it. Things were happening to me that “I” didn’t believe!

Steve didn’t offer me any belief. Thank God. He offered me a maddening structure of discipline and simplicity that is his Ptsen-Nuh energy mapping methods. Simplicity!

And somehow he had magic goggles that could see how I was doing in my work when I had no sense of it myself. Sure, he was like an alien sometimes. But I recognized myself as half-alien and toed the “PN” line as best I could. I relapsed. I felt it and got back on track. The simple stuff works. It’s a total discipline. Not bits and pieces. No concepts to grasp and digest and mix or match or argue with. Just do the disciplines.

In truth, the spiritual transition I was going though is/was as natural as any other human process but a process I didn’t have the tools to work with until I learned the disciplines. It’s OK to be lost and confused especially when it’s a process of growing towards clarity. Besides, you can’t stop it now! The Universe doesn’t want to leave you alone.

Start healing yourself. Get help if you need it. If you need help, book a session with Steve. This guy is not in it for the money or the glory. I’m happy to have his help. I’m happy his help is available to you.

Generally, I’m pretty happy. More like content. Sometimes I sigh and say “I’m so content” and there is nothing more to it than that. No drama. I strive to ride instead of fight the tides of the Universe. So much easier that way! I have peace. You can too. To quote Steve, “there is no super natural, only sub-natural understanding.”

Get the understanding and the techniques you need. Heal yourself first.

If you want to know about a soul connection you will not find out about it from anyone else's story even if they seem similar because every situation so unique thats why we don't feature the stories .. Soul connection articles on the general issues and principles can be found here but to find about about your own unique situation it needs to looked at individually which can only come from an individual consultation.]

My spiritual awakening, through its pain and wonder, showed me what the universe really is, and what our souls are, and what energy is.

In this journey, I could suddenly feel my energy all the time, up and down my body, in a way I never felt. I could also feel other people’s energy.

There were many times when I could not conceive of what the heck was going on. Not only was I in deep emotional pain and confusion, but the spiritual awakening was very physical in nature and granting me psychic tendencies I didn’t understand or even want. I suddenly felt everything, and it hurt.

At times I thought I was having a heart attack while other times I marveled at this newly discovered energy pulsing through my body in waves, but for the most part it was unsettling and traumatizing. It was nauseating, keeping me up at night, knife through the chest and gut, pure, pulsating, burning, life force energy.

Nobody understood or could help, and friends were telling me to just “let it go.” The pain of feeling all of this and being alone in it is what drove me to get help through Steve Gunn. After finding so much comfort in Steve’s articles, I called Steve and he taught me a simple meditation exercise and urged me in his stern, unrelenting coach-like tone to keep working on it. It was so difficult but I spent the night and the whole next day practicing. That very next night, my chest feeling considerably less pressure, I magically ran into my soul connection after not seeing him for many months. I was witnessing destiny at work. That was when I first saw how powerful the techniques Steve was teaching me truly were. I was a believer! Still this was only the beginning of the healing.

I decided to give PN ( Ptsen-Nuh ) a try, and thank God the experiences pushed me to this technique.

Steve helped me discover and work with what the whole darn experience was meant to help me find – my own energy, inner peace, and the sense of having my soul back. And not just having it back like before, having it back in a bigger and more expansive way than I ever even dreamed possible before the whole ordeal began. The world is more miraculous than I ever imagined, and I would not have realized it were it not for this journey and the healing and help I’ve found along the way.

Ptsen-Nuh primarily taught me that I didn’t have to be helplessly subject to all of this energy flying around, that I was actually a part of it, and that I could change my energy and get more in the flow with it instead of being tossed around by it like a tennis ball in a drying machine.

Ptsen-Nuh taught me how to become weightless in that spin cycle, watch it spin around me, how to let go of residual energies that no longer served me, and how to observe other people deal with their own energies without always going along for the ride. Steve’s techniques empowered me to find balance on this wild journey of the soul. The reward is that my relationships improved as I established healthier energetic boundaries for myself and with others, my intuition reached new never before imagined heights, I found an inner strength and knowingness of myself that I didn’t think was possible, and I felt clear and empowered and lucky and finally at peace. I felt different. Biggest of all, I learned how to let go of all the pain and sadness that has hindered me from being me for many years. It’s all nonsense the stuff we carry around with us, all the past fears and disappointments and judgments.

I realized many of the reasons I longed for an immediate relationship with my soul mate had nothing to do with him and I, and instead were an effort to cover up old pain with a new person and a new experience. Our past scars do not make us, and that’s the good news! In several weeks, Steve helped me achieve what years of therapy could never fully purge me of. The truth is that the emotions that hold us back and our past fears and disappointments are not in our minds, and talking about them doesn’t really change them. They are stored in our bodies, like a gas that’s dying to escape, if only we would let it. Steve showed me how. And it takes work and technique and falling down and getting up and trying again but I felt amazing (and like I hit the jackpot!) once I began learning how to integrate these techniques into my daily existence.

Oh my God it is hard work. And after some initial success, I proceeded to botch it a few times and fall off the wagon, which in retrospect I am thankful for. Falling taught me to pay more attention to the techniques and really take this mind blowing way of working with your energy gravely seriously. Of course my self-defeating ego tried to make me feel bad about my relapse, but further PN work quieted that nauseating monster down. Every time I released something in PN or watched myself grow more articulate in the various techniques, I was mesmerized by the outcome.
It’s magic.

I wish you strength on your journey, and most of all hope. Have faith that you will once again find peace, you will survive the fire, and that you can be a co-creator in the achievement of that lovely, warm, settling, and weightless, peace…

If I can do it so can you…

If you want to know about a soul connection you will not find out about it from anyone else's story even if they seem similar because every situation so unique thats why we don't feature the stories .. Soul connection articles on the general issues and principles can be found here but to find about about your own unique situation it needs to looked at individually which can only come from an individual consultation.]

My awakening did not come with a year long hiatus around the world. It would have been nice to have eaten, prayed and loved in exotic locations, but somehow children, work and a mortgage meant that the Universe had other plans for me and nothing quite so glamorous.

From a young age, I knew that something was ‘up’ with me, and apparently so did every body else with people either loving me or hating me and sometimes both, but what that meant or how it would look was still yet to be determined. My parents trailed me off to psychologists and counselors in a vain effort to ‘fix’ me or figure me out but nobody could quite ever pinpoint a diagnosis – ADD? Bipolar? Schizophrenia? Borderline Personality Disorder? I just didn’t quite fit the diagnostic criteria for anything. Almost ADD but I had an excellent schooling record, I was just bored easily and unchallenged and liked to daydream. Psychotic episodes indicative of schizophrenia but with no hallucinations or paranoia or longevity. Bi-polar perhaps, but no serious mood swings. BPD might explain the strange energetic sensations and emotional sensitivity but no hysterics or serious relationship difficulties.

And so unfolded the first 21 years of my life, trying to work out exactly what was wrong with me so that I could be treated accordingly. No such luck, but I was prescribed a mood stabilizer, diagnosed with some kind of non-specific bi-polar disorder with no mood swings but occasional psychotic episodes (three over a period of two years) which lasted for two or three days where I thought I was a most grand human being, here to heal the world, birth the Christ consciousness and being frighteningly pursued by the Devil intent on thwarting the grand plan.

In the meantime, life unfolded as it should: university, marriage, work, and children, not necessarily in that order. Tick, tick, tick. I was, by all accounts, a high functioning human being, prone to sporadic and not terribly long lasting or serious bouts of melancholy and introspection but that could have been easily written off to a fairly tragic and unloving childhood and adolescence, early parenthood and the pressures of working, attending to my studies and raising my two small children. Oh and getting beaten every few weeks or so by an emotionally manipulative and controlling spouse. But that was a secret.

I was the poster child for togetherness. Highly intelligent, flourishing career, perfect family, a regular little 23 year old Stepford Wife. I think I was older at 23 than I am today. But I was juggling my balls perfectly. And like any good psychology student, I had conquered my thoughts and emotions and was awfully proud of my excellent progress. Peaceful? Contented? Um, not quite. And that awful, gnawing, painful, feeling in my heart, I could just ignore that forever.

But the energy – I could not ignore. Tingling sensations in my hands and feet and stomach and the middle of my forehead. Energetic sensations shooting up and down my spine. Hot flushes. Feelings I could not fathom and certainly couldn’t explain. Even then I called it ‘energy’. I don’t even know where I got that term from, I was raised Catholic and had no concept of anything metaphysical but energy it was. I investigated every single possible medical cause. I studied mental illness. I spent years ‘googling’ possible explanations for what I was experiencing with no joy.

Then there were the things I just ‘knew’, how people were feeling, what they were thinking, what they’re motivations were. I could even physically feel their aches and pains. I had heard of psychics, of course, even went to a tarot reader once, but she told me that me and my wife beating husband would be together forever so I kind of lost my faith in that right there. Plus, I couldn’t predict the future so obviously I wasn’t that and I thought no more of that subject.

But I knew other things too, historically, globally. Why things were the way they were and also how they needed to be. My children called it the “Gospel according to Mum” but I had an answer for everything, and not just an answer but an explanation and even sometimes a solution that transcended my education on topics as diverse as what happened to the Mayans, to the Final Solution, to the decision making of the Australian Cricket board of selectors. And I don’t even like cricket.

So it was back to the mental illness route. Bi-polar’s think they know everything and ok, I didn’t really have bouts of unexplained depression or unbelievable highs and there was no explanation for all this energy, the itchy and scratchy as I had come to call it, but I didn’t have anything else, so bi-polar it was. I was finally boxed. And that did fill me with a certain kind of peace, not the diagnosis itself, but the box. Obviously my bi-polar manifested differently. I could accept that.

I left my husband quietly one evening. We had had a ‘fight’ a few days before and he had gone out on a drinking and drug binge so I hadn’t seen him for a while. I was in the kitchen with my boys making dinner when my seven year old son looked up at me with sad and fearful little eyes and asked haltingly, ‘Mum. Am I going to grow up to be a murderer?’ As shocked as I was, I regained my composure and with as much gentleness and lightheartedness as I could muster, replied ‘No. Of course not. Why?’ and I will never forget his chilling response: “Because murderers have dad’s who hit their mum’s.’ I was 24 years old when I packed our bags for the very last time.

My energy settled. No more itchy and scratchy. I took care of myself and my children and put us all back together. I saw my clients. I exercised. I did everything right. Sometimes I’d still get so hot I thought I was going to burn alive and sometimes I still couldn’t sleep, afraid I was going to fall into the abyss and never wake up. But I was good, as in better, and I had never been better before.

But then I met him, and by him I mean them. Three years of self imposed celibacy and I declared myself ready to re-enter the world of men and dating. After all I was fixed. I could spot a wanker a mile off and I had all the tools to make sure I would never be used or abused again. Or so I thought. Most of the time I really did. I was charming and lovely and witty and confidence itself, but every two years or so I met somebody I could not get over. There was nothing to explain this. These men were no more good looking or smart or funny or special then any of the others. I didn’t ‘want’ them any more than any one else. We would go out for less than three months and usually less that three weeks, there was no reason for me to be attached and once, I was even the one who instigated the break up, but they were ‘special’ in that they brought the energy back. With each of them, we would do nothing more than look into each others eyes and just bask in the love and energy between us. We just wanted to ‘eat’ each other and every time I would think, this is it, this will be the one that stays, this will be the one that can handle this level of connection. But none of them could. And I couldn’t work it out. I knew they loved me. In fact there were many times I’m sure I knew they loved me a lot more than I loved them but they still couldn’t stay. And I worked myself into a tizz, trying to work out what I was doing wrong, why it always ended the same way, why it hurt so damn much when sometimes I wasn’t even sure I liked them. And then berating myself for being so mental and stupid and having such abysmal taste in men. But they all said the same thing – ‘I didn’t choose you’. Comforting. I remember arguing with one of them once. We were walking home from a date and he started breaking up with me. When I asked why, he looked at me and shouted “because I f**king love you and I don’t want to’. And so it went.

It was also around this time that I met Beck. Beautiful ditzy, loopy, psychic Becky who assured me every one of them loved me and every one of them would come back and held my hand when none of them did. Thank God I had her. I can imagine how much I would have spent on fortune tellers if I hadn’t. Whilst her own skills were still in their infancy, we were a couple of fairly misguided but well meaning 27 year olds, she did open my eyes to spirituality and metaphysics and the magic of the Universe, if only of the Doreen Virtue kind. She kind of lost me with the fairies and mermaids but at least I had somewhere else to look. The energetic sensations were back with a vengeance and now I could ‘feel’ people with me. I had always known bi-polar didn’t fit and now I was determined to find what did. I learnt that there was energy, chi and reiki and prana, I still hadn’t read about anyone feeling it like I did but at least I thought it might be possible now, I mean if it could be channeled then surely it must be ‘felt’.

I once visited a local spiritual store owned by a witch. When she asked me what I was, I replied ‘I’m a healer’ with enormous confidence I didn’t even know I had because I had seriously never thought that was what I was, most of the time, I just thought I was mental. She replied with a knowing smile and a ‘yes, you are’.

But I didn’t really care. My heart was still aching and I was still in that selfish place that insecure people sometimes find themselves in, where everything just hurts too much to be of value to anyone else. But I had answers now, energy was real, and there were soul mates and twin flames and I read everything I could. Most of it completely delusional but I would read late into the night certain that this time I had found it, the logical explanation that would change my life only to wake up the next morning and think ‘what the’ until the energy got so strong I would be looking again at the same mental stuff which I think ended up scaring me more than actually helping.

After five years of searching, and another five psychotic episodes (even though I was medicated), I found Steve. It would be terribly dramatic to say just in time, I had had dark thoughts, more than dark thoughts and I was getting very tired of picking myself up from the kitchen floor where I’d been curled up in the foetal position crying my heart out for two hours, but whilst I had thought about it, it seemed terribly selfish to just end it especially when I had children.

Steve called me a ‘karmic light’ in our first session, destined to wake up and destined to wake up others, a kind of karmic responsibility for having been woken up myself. He also confirmed that I was a natural born healer which accounted for my psychotic symptoms, my energy just got too high and out of control – while that controller in my head could not explain what was happening to me and so made up a story. He validated my experience with such compassion and down to earth explanations that I knew it was right. It would be another year before I would accept it was right. The energy had led me on an eternal quest for truth but my fear of my energy had made me an atheist. I wanted answers but couldn’t find them so if I didn’t believe in it, it couldn’t be true and it couldn’t hurt me.

I started Ptsen Nuh a few weeks later. And it hurt. Everyday. I learnt the basic energy management and emotional release skills but my heart wasn’t really in it. Well, my heart was in it, but I just wanted the man back and when it didn’t look like that was going to happen then I kind of gave up, had another psychotic episode and started all over again. But this time, my psychosis was managed through energy techniques, not medication.

This time, I was much more committed. This was my sanity at stake here not some silly little relational drama. As a natural born empath and healer, I had too much energy, hence the itchy and scratchy. I need a clear energetic system lest it all go to my head and brings on the mental.

Sometimes I hated Steve, I really did, I thought he was arrogant and pompous and I was tired of being spoonfed tiny little tidbits, I wanted to know everything now dammit and for someone with no boundaries that was one of the hardest lessons to learn. But learn and release I did and I realised that what I had mistook for arrogance was really just discipline and his refusal to pander to my inner pity party. He was just exercising the sort of disciplines and boundaries that I needed and went on to learn.

But learn and release I did. I did give up work for a while. I lost my job (circumstances completely out of my control) and broke up with a boyfriend in the same week three times in the last few years and I thought it was time I listened to the Universe and just did the damn work instead of flailing about in self pity again.

I needed to. And so I dug right down to my boot straps on a search and destroy mission to weasel out every little bit of remaining trauma and pain and vulnerability.

And now I have learnt not only how to control my energy but how to rock it as well, to find not just peace and contentment, but confidence and wisdom and grace as well as my ‘silly’ beans, which had been repressed so many years before in response to an unfortunate relationship.

And it’s true. There is no aha moment. Just a gentle unfolding and realization of how everything is and how it always needed to be that way.

At the time, this work was bloody horrendous and it’s taken me nearly a year to get here but now I can’t quite work out for the life of me what all the fuss was about.

And now I can stand with my feet planted firmly on earth and right in the middle of the Universe at the same time. Wow.

If you want to know about a soul connection you will not find out about it from anyone else's story even if they seem similar because every situation so unique thats why we don't feature the stories .. Soul connection articles on the general issues and principles can be found here but to find about about your own unique situation it needs to looked at individually which can only come from an individual consultation.]

I was 19 when I met my soul connection, although I remember having a sense of him as early as four years old. Now and then I’d wonder but I never consciously set out to find him.

I had prolonged my visit to my home town because I had felt a lump and further tests had to be carried out. Romance was the last thing on my mind when, in a pub, a friend of his came over and asked for my phone number on his behalf. I began to say no but when I looked over and saw him, pretending to be so enthralled by his beer coaster, I felt a rush of affection and recognition. He was not my usual type but I felt the pull. His friend said she was taking the bull by the horns as we looked like we belonged together. This was an odd thing to say considering I was a grungy student, and he was an older, clean cut blonde twice my size. He didn’t talk to me that night but he did ring and so it began. From reading all the stories on Steve’s website I’d say the next part was similar to most soul connections, we were intoxicated by each other, it was like finding home.

The lump was a tumour the size of a gob stopper but I woke up from the four hour operation radiantly happy, and it had nothing to do with the morphine. The surgeon said the news was not good, it looked malignant and further tests would probably confirm this. All I could think was yeah right, now move along would you, I’m expecting company. I did not for a second believe the tumour was serious, I was always lucky and now that I had meet him my life was just getting started. I was right the tests proved it was benign, but my luck was about to run out.

He visited me at university and I meet his parents. He clearly had issues with them and I felt his seething anger. That night we lay together and there was a tremendous energy surge between us, it was overwhelming and undeniable, he joked it was like fire crackers going off. The next morning he had terror in his eyes, he started to jog and then he ran. What followed was runner insanity at it’s finest. The next time I saw him he told me I was too young, he didn’t consider me his girl friend, he wanted to see other woman but he would regret it for the rest of his life. He begged me not to start smoking again because he was leaving me. I was bewildered, was this guy worried about me or his taxes? He then said he’d made a mistake, and would come over on Sunday to talk about it. He didn’t show, instead he turned up at the pub with a new girlfriend who shared my colouring, stature and even my name. This was too much! I had a trip planned to visit my sister in London, so I brought it forward. But before I left I sent him a letter wishing him and the raven haired tart he had replaced me with all the happiness in the world. He rang, told me she was not like me and wanted to write to me while I was away.

I told no one that my heart had just been ripped out. I think I was in soul shock, I couldn’t talk about it, I couldn’t even cry. I had assumed the trip would help me get over it but it didn’t. I would walk around London in circles, in the snow, completely miserable despite being in such an incredible city. I’d replay every conversation in my head and when I wasn’t doing that I would listen to a music cd that synchronistically chronologized the rise and fall of our brief affair. My most striking memory of that period was an old homeless man with one arm calling out to me ‘Cheer up love it’s Christmas’. He did send a card but it said little and I ripped it up, along with the 17 page letter I had for him and ceremoniously threw it in the Thames. I visited friends in Spain but those Spanish were so darn upbeat and full of life that I left early and then wandered around France alone and dazed. I felt abandoned by the universe but it really was through a series of miracles that I made it home in one piece. My mother would have had a fit if she’d known what I was up to. I ran into him before I went back to university and he asked me if I’d had a good trip but it was more an accusation than a question. We were both suffering but both proud and I told him I had a fantastic time and had been too busy to reply to the card. He was still with her.

I was so frustrated with myself, I wanted the old me back and was determined to get him out of my system. I rebounded into a relationship I knew was not right for me. If the soul connection left my self esteem in the toilet then this guy flushed the chain. I saw him, three years later, at a train station, he was so relieved to find me, we hugged and kissed and the depth of love in his eyes took my breath away. By then I’d had almost three years of being subjected to abuse on a daily basis and he just made me feel so beautiful and special. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him if he wanted to run away to Vegas, but my partner interrupted us and I bolted. That look of adoration set off many of my triggers. I couldn’t live up to who he thought I was , I’d surely disappoint him. No, it was better he remembered me as perfect besides I couldn’t go through it again if he left me. Nice little twist there universe, now who was the runner? That was the last time I saw him.

So I married the wrong man and bore his children. 14 years down the track I convinced myself life was peachy. Sure my relationship was still dysfunctional but I had a truck load of psychology books and plans to fix him. At least I had fantastic kids and friends and a lovely home. I still thought about him, heard he had never been the same after our brief time together but it had finally after so many years lost it’s sting. It would be absurd to revisit it especially since I’d done such a fine job of burying it. Well the universe didn’t think so and got out a shovel. One day, almost a year ago now, I did the unthinkable. I told my secret to my best friend, the whole saga from beginning to end, and how much I had hurt. And just like that, it ignited. The rollercoaster started all over again but this time it had been modified and was even more of a wild ride. I couldn’t eat or sleep properly, my heart felt like it was being pulled out of my chest and my stomach was churned day and night. I would listen to our cd over and over and I had vivid dreams about him. I finally read a book he had given me but for passive aggressive reasons I had decided never to read and it was yet another splinter in my heart. I thought maybe I was going crazy, it was over 14 years ago!

I had my tarot cards read, at a local fair, and twin soul/ soul mate cards came up, she did it again, same cards. It sounded so flakey but I couldn’t resist googling it and I eventually found Steve’s website. His articles just made so much sense but the idea of ringing him seemed outrageous, I was married with children, I needed to fight off what ever was happening to me. The day I drove off leaving my poor child in the stroller on the foot path, thank goodness for rear vision mirrors, is the day I thought you need help to function and I went home and made the appointment. He said how about now?!! Steve in an hour explained the situation which had baffled me for 14 years. It helped so much but the cravings to be with him were still just as unbearable. We were living in different countries but I found his work address online and I couldn’t resist sending him a letter and that cd . I haven’t heard back but I’m confident he got it because several days later I felt excitement, a hot flush from head to toe, and could feel him smile as he read it. It was a much kinder letter than the first but it still teased the crap out of him.

Then came Pten Nuh... This will change your life and get you in touch with your soul, it’s that simple and that grand.

Steve drove me nuts at first, who was he anyway to tell me that my ego monster was out of control? How rude?!! Mine did what any self respecting ego monster would do, I more or less sent him a n outline of my CV to prove he wasn’t dealing with an idiot. He had to be the idiot. I checked out his photo on his face book page, was this guy operating out of some sort of underground bunker or what? (Later scrolled down and realised he was probably in a helicopter, doh, sorry Steve) But I was just like every body else and had to do the work and apply the discipline. Slowly but surely the layers of constructs came off, and as they did I was released from the pain and the craving of the connection but also all the other junk that held me back from really living. It became less about the relationship and more about what the connection was making me face about my own development and karma. And it was then and only then that I was ready to move on to my spiritual awakening. I started to feel my own energy and it was as frightening as it was exhilarating. I am so grateful to Steve for helping me manage this transition and giving me the means to own it and work with it and I am so profoundly humbled by the universe for loving me enough me to put me on this new path. I am leaving the abusive relationship, the house, and so many other things behind me, something that would have been incomprehensible to me before the Pandora’s box flew open, and before PN, but it feels right.

I am finally off that roller coaster and can now check out what all the other exhibits have to offer. I’m just getting started but there seems to be plenty more attractions in this intriguing energetic … I still love the soul connection just as much, even more, but I have acceptance now that it was never just about the relationship even though it seemed that was all it was about. I know one day we will at least reconnect but I have no expectations from that.

And right now I’m more interested in testing driving the new me.

A dear friend I hadn’t seen me in a while asked me how I was and I blurted ‘Oh I’m fundamentally different’

She was a bit taken back, but it was a sincere answer.

And then when people have been through the process and look back and try to tell others – they find other people don’t believe them.

It’s often said that “if it was this good it would be on Oprah” – well it is that good but it wont be on Oprah because people dont believe it can be that good.. Usually at the end of the work “why isn’t this stuff on Oprah its so amazing”…

As in all things its embedded human cynicism, the stuff we all have some of, the disease of judging and being judged for decades…mixed in with some desperately bad myths being confused with the metaphysics on popular websites – offering things that are at best variable and often have no lasting effect. It is really about good technique and training.

In the meantime, it works, it changes lives, it brings happiness..and it isn’t discriminatory.. Its working with the very power of being….the power in your existance…showing you that you are the miracle…

Yes its hard work, if you donl’t want to work at it forget it.. but if you do you’ll spend less effort doing the work that you put into stressing about life

Luna offered her feedback and gave me permission to post it…

People get frustrated that I am content. I tend to laugh about everything going on around me then, it offends someone because I’m so light-hearted. my laughing gets me into trouble. I keep my boundaries up when someone attacks. I’m sorry for them, but there is no need to get upset. this one guy always says I agitate him w/my objectivity, he gets infuriated! LOL

The hard part is getting started. When all this began, I panicked because it overwhelmed me, but there is nothing to be overwhelmed about. I just need to be pointed in the right direction. that’s the problem with being a beginner and your techniques helped me in so many ways, I don’t know how to thank you.

A link to Luna’s blog – the Cosmic Force Blog – is on the links menu ( left )